An Unexpected Evening With The Boys
by b-mystique
Summary: A late night in the office at the BAU has the men slamming back whiskey, revealing unexpected secrets, and sharing stories about women. Rated T for language and sexual innuendos. *three shot*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_It was just an idea that popped into my head and I thought it would be rather amusing. I know the characters will probably be perceived as out of character (though I personally feel they may have such moments) and perhaps even offensive, but it was all in good fun. I hope it is taken as humorous, that was the intention. Hope you enjoy! : ) Thanks for the lovely reviews and special thanks to Nagen 66 for kindly pointing out my errors and typos : )_

Derek Morgan briskly jogged up the stairwell to Aaron Hotchner's office. He planned on dropping off a few files that needed to be signed and heading out for the night. The frenzied laughing coming from behind Hotch's door startled him. He knocked on the door, a surprisingly tentative knock, unsure as to whether he should interrupt or not.

He heard his boss clear his throat before responding, "Come in,"

Morgan opened the door and peeked in unable to mask his curiosity. "Uhh, just some papers for you to sign Hotch," he nodded in acknowledgement at Dave Rossi who was leaning back in the chair in front of Hotch's desk.

"No problem. Just sit them right there and I'll get to them la-" he could barely finish before erupting into more laughter, Rossi quickly following suite.

Morgan was confused; it was very rare that he had seen a smiling Hotch, let alone a Hotch who laughed uncontrollably, especially more recently. "What the hell is going on in here?" the annoyance edging up in his voice.

Rossi and Hoch exchanged a loaded glance before the laughter continued full force now. Rossi's laughing subsided long enough to comment on Hotch's search for an ink pen.

"Who the hell are you kidding Aaron? You ain't signing anything tonight!" he snorted.

Morgan finally zoomed in on the half empty bottle of whiskey and two glasses propped up on the edge of Hotch's desk. "Yeah, no rush on those papers," he snickered shaking his head.

Hotch waved his hands at Morgan in an overdramatic flourish, "Sit down, join us, have a drink-"

"Or five!" Rossi interjected. The two men snickering.

Morgan shrugged and poured him a glass before plopping down on the couch on the other side of the room. The sudden knock at the door made the three men jump, which was a catalyst for more uncontrollable laughter.

Dr. Reid poked his head in "Morgan, I thought you were giving me a ride home!" he protested, slightly annoyed. "Huh, whiskey!" he scurried into the office, pouring him a glass. He scanned the room quickly before making his way to the couch and shoving Morgan aside before slumping down next to him.

"Gee, help yourself kid," Hotch muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"I don't think I've ever seen you drunk before Hotch," Reid noted.

"Me neither come to think of it. I've never seen him laugh so much either," Morgan chimed in.

"I know he's usually so stoic, so rigid, so…"

"Frigid! Straight-laced! Serious! Deadpan?" Morgan offered.

Rossi shook his head at the two and snorted, gulping down more of his drink.

"Alright, are you done Ebony and Ivory?" Hotch quipped, slightly amused by the shock displayed so plainly on Reid and Morgan's faces at the prospect of their boss being sarcastic and humorous.

"Okay this guy; do not let him fool you with that phony placid exterior. Stoic and frigid, ha! Hotch was more like a hell raiser, or smooth, and suave. He used to be a player back in the early days of the BAU. The ladies loved him!" Rossi chortled, pouring himself another drink.

"_Really_?" Morgan and Reid questioned in unison, Morgan in admiration, Reid in utter surprise.

Hotch shook his head and snorted. "No. I was the _flirt_, not the player. I didn't _do_ anything. Dave on the other hand was a self proclaimed man whore,"

"I can't deny that," Rossi agreed smugly.

Morgan shook his head in absolute disbelief and Reid sipped his drink a contemplative look on his face.

"I know you can't. You slept with practically every broad in the building. Erin included" Hotch added as a quick aside.

"Wait, I thought _you _banged Erin! Didn't you have her under the impression that you would leave your wife and you and she would be Aaron and Erin Hotchner?" Rossi teased.

"Hell no, although who could blame her for falling for me?" Hotch raised his eyebrow and grinned, adjusting his collar. "I kindly declined her sexual advances and we agreed to never speak of it again,"

"So _that's _why she despises you?" Reid asked, leaning back and resting his head against the back of the sofa.

"Hotch shrugged, "Pretty much. But back to Dave here who has dodged the accusation that he slept with Erin Strauss. You did sleep with her right?"

Rossi choked on his drink sputtering whiskey everywhere "Damn Aaron had to pointblank me again did you? Yeah, I slept with her," he added, the last part barely audible.

Morgan shuddered and Reid grimaced.

"Hey I was drunk, and she was hot back then, and I got a thing for blondes!" Rossi snapped responding defensively to Morgan and Reid's reactions. His attempt at defending himself was a rather unsuccessful one, given the fact that Reid and Morgan were still struggling to mask their disgust.

"No kidding, I had to practically call you off of J.J. Didn't want you relapsing into your former ways and trying to mount her to," Hotch mumbled into his glass.

"I didn't plan on it!" Hotch glared at his old friend dubiously. "I mean sure I _thought _about it but I wouldn't have actually _done _it! I couldn't help it, she's hot!" Rossi exclaimed. The other three men nodded in agreement. "She's a little too stiff for my taste though, a bit of an Ice Queen, very rigid,"

"Trust me it's all an act," Morgan muttered, his face buried in his glass, only looking up when he felt the three pairs of eyes burning into the side of his face. "I said that out loud didn't I?"

The three men nodded simultaneously.

"You slept with Jennifer?" Reid shrieked a touch of hurt in his voice.

"Relax kid; it was before I knew you liked her. So no 'bros before hoes' rule was broken,"

"I thought you didn't date chicks with guns?" Hotch stared at Morgan feeling a bit overprotective of his blonde agent.

"_She_'s the reason I don't date chicks with guns!" Morgan's voice rose, with just a touch of inexplicable hysteria masked with sarcasm. The others noticed but chose not to comment.

"I don't even want to know," Rossi snickered. "But what about Penelope?"

"What about her?"

"I always thought you were hitting that. The constant flirting, the touchy feely stuff, the sexual innuendos and joking…"

"Baby Girl? Of course not! She's like a sister, sort of. If you go near here though I swear I'll-"

"I won't! _Sheesh_!" Rossi put his hands up defensively. "Guess the only one squeaky clean here is the kid," he gestured towards Reid.

Reid sunk further into the couch. Up until that point he had been sitting back listening to his colleagues. He was thoroughly amused with his colleagues' conquests and antics. "Oh no leave_ me_ out of it!"

Morgan snorted, "Don't buy the innocent act this kid puts off"

"Do tell!" Rossi leaned forward a sparkle of interest in his eye.

"Yeah, I'd like to hear this!" up until that point Hotch had been leaned back in his chair, he suddenly pulled himself forward eagerly anticipating any morsel of info that could be disclosed about his youngest agent.

"Morgan…." Reid warned.

Morgan ignored him. "He spent his last vacation flying to see Lila in L.A, can anyone say booty call,"

"SHUT UP MORGAN!" Reid hissed a surprisingly menacing scowl plastered across his face.

Hotch spit out his drink. "You told me you were going to visit your mother in Vegas!"

"I did!" Reid protested. "Afterwards…" he amended quietly.

Morgan and Rossi no longer able to maintain straight faces doubled over, giggling like schoolgirls. Hotch sat back in his chair, still undeniably astounded. "Well at least you didn't bother to go the interoffice route like some people," he managed, while shooting Morgan and Rossi a disgruntled look.

"Yeah…right," Reid stared at the bottom of his glass, swishing the remains of his drink around. He knew the hesitation in his voice gave him away and it was only a matter of time before he had to look up and face the three sets of probing eyes, that he so aptly felt glaring at him.

"You…did…._not?_!" Morgan could barely sputter the words out, completely astonished by the revelation.

"Okay, I didn't," Reid shrugged and held his glass out for a refill. Hotch obliged his head slightly inclined, scrutinizing the young agent.

"Who?When?How?" Morgan's voice raised another octave.

"Gee Morgan if I have to tell you how, then you don't live up to your studly reputation,"

"How did I not know about this?"

Reid shrugged again, ignoring Morgan's inquiry.

"Agent Pierce. The chatty red head on Monroe's team?" Hotch fiddled with his glass, speculating. "She always comments on your sweater vests. I can see it, you have some things in common, she clearly likes you and doesn't mind your annoying ramblings, and you don't have to see her everyday…" his voice trailed off as Reid averted his eyes at the last part.

"Oh damn!" Rossi crowed. "You _do _have to see her everyday?" The older agent leaned forward, beside himself in amusement

Morgan shook his head. "Wait, so it's a team member?Was this recent or... how long ago was this? It wasn't Elle right?"

Reid shook his head. "God no, besides I seen you two making out at that Christmas party one year,"

Hotch's jaw dropped. Rossi grinned sheepishly and Morgan reddened. "Nice try kid but back to the point, Todd?"

Reid rolled his eyes and Rossi grunted.

"So it's someone on the team now," Hotch mused. "Couldn't be JJ, you never had a shot at that. That leaves Emily and Penelope….You slept with Garcia?" Hotch's voice boomed in utter surprise startling the others.

"You couldn't have, you wouldn't have" Morgan argued shaking his head in disbelief.

Reid smirked and leaned back into the couch hiding his face as he gulped down more whiskey.

"He _did_," Rossi bellowed. "He totally tipped that!"

"Tapped that," Hotch corrected. He shrugged dismissively when the others raised their eyebrows in wonder at the mature man's comprehension of the youthful sexual vernacular.

"My wrong," Rossi chirped.

"My bad," Hotch coughed correcting Rossi once more.

"You _slept_ with my baby girl?" Morgan fought back the urge to punch his pseudo bro right in his smug face.

"She isn't yours Morgan. Possessive much? She's a beautiful, intelligent woman, and she came on to me, hell, she seduced me. I merely obliged, it's hard to say no to her…" his voice trailed off.

"Here's to you Mrs. Robinson" Rossi and Hotch muttered at the same time, laughing hysterically when they realized they had made the same joke.

"I don't believe it," Morgan muttered.

"There's a reason she occasionally calls me her bitch"

Morgan's eyes narrowed before he lunged at Reid. Reid ducked out of the way laughing.

"Settle down children" Rossi's reprimand was followed with a wink directed at Reid and him mouthing conspicuously "I knew you had it in you," Morgan shook his head at Rossi's attempt at being subtle and finished off his drink. Rossi and Hotch snickered.

"Wait, how did you know it wasn't Prentiss?" Reid stared at Hotch waiting for a response.

"She would have told me,"

"Why would she do that?"

"I slept with her after my separation," Hotch replied straight-faced. Rossi, Morgan, and Reid gawked at their leader. "I'm just _kidding_! We didn't sleep together…we did kiss once though," he added as an aside.

Before anyone could respond they were distracted by Rossi's phone going off. He glanced at it before awkwardly standing up. "Well, uhh, boys gotta go!"

"Who is that calling you at this hour?" Hotch raised his eyebrow and reached for Rossi's phone.

"None of your damn business!" Rossi pulled his phone back out of Hotch's reach. Hotch winked at Reid who had crept up behind Rossi. Reid snatched the phone out of his hand eyeing the caller id, before Rossi grabbed it back.

"JORDAN TODD?" Reid shrieked his eyes wide.

Hotch and Morgan both choked on their drinks and stared at the other two men.

"She likes older men, and she has a thing for Italian," Rossi wiggled his eyebrows before grabbing his jacket and bolting out the door. "Later boys!" he threw over his shoulder as he hurried down the stairs.

"I expect an explanation!" Hotch called after him. He glanced at Reid and Morgan, both still in awe, and with that the three fell to the floor in laughter.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I was compelled to continue, because the BAU boys are just too much fun(especially Hotch surprisingly enough) and I needed a chuckle or two myself. I don't have a beta, so the mistakes and errors are all mine, and if it is not as cohesive as expected, it's mostly because I tend to freestyle what I write, with very little planning so I apologize beforehand. Enjoy…..or not, let me know : )**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and no one would really want me to.**

"Goodnight my Chocolate Kiss," Garcia purred as she bounded through the bull pen pass Morgan and Reid, heading for the doors.

"Slow yo roll, Baby Girl. How about a kiss for your Chocolate Kiss?"

She grinned triumphantly before sauntering over to Morgan and pecking him on the cheek. "Of course muffin, would I ever object to that?" she giggled.

"Am I the only one to find this overt display of affection coupled with sexual innuendo to be utterly nauseating?" Reid muttered sarcastically under his breath, flinching when Morgan smacked him in the back of the head. "Oww!"

"Be nice!" Garcia admonished Morgan sternly before turning to face Reid. "Thou doth protest much! No worries kitten, Garcia loves you too," she cupped his face in one hand, making his lips pucker out. The act reminded him of something his Aunt subjected him to during his youth. "Good night to you too, sweet cheeks!" she raised her eyebrow ardently and smacked his rear before heading for the exit

"I'm walking you out woman!" Morgan called after her.

"No need, I'm meeting Emily down stairs!" she called back heading out the double doors.

Morgan chuckled to himself before turning back around to face Reid. "Sweet cheeks?" he asked raising his eyebrow at the young agent.

A sly smile spread across Reid's face as he leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms. "A commonly used term of endearment that Garcia throws around on occasion to refer to any one of us…and then of course there is a rather suggestive implication, specifically directed at myself, that may or may not have to do with her appreciation for the gluteus..." his voice trailed off as her recounted his past expedition a la Penelope Garcia. "…and her compulsion to bite-"

"Ahhh, ugh, no! Enough Reid!" Morgan growled in disgust covering his ears with his hands and shaking his head rigorously in an effort to dispel the lewd images invading his thoughts. He certainly didn't want to think of his Baby Girl in that light, though it didn't surprise him that she was frisky, and he definitely didn't want to think about Reid being anywhere near her in that fashion. "I thought you didn't like talking about your sex life?" he grimaced.

Reid continued to smirk, incapable of hiding the fact that he gained some sick, twisted, enjoyment and amusement from his friend's intense discomfort. "That was before I realized how much I could torture you," he teased, cocking his eyebrow smugly.

"You….you are just evil! The epitome of an evil genius! And arrogance isn't becoming on you!"

"Why thanks for the compliment," Reid snickered. "Hey Morgan, what time is it?"

Morgan scanned their surroundings, taking note that they were the only ones in the room. His face lit up with excitement and he flashed his signature 100 watt smile as he faced his friend. "It's time kid."

Reid shifted his weight back and forth, swaying nervously. "Maybe we shouldn't do this…"

"Oh how quickly that arrogance dies down," Morgan sighed. "It'll be fine. Now grab the stuff and let's get moving!"

He and Reid ducked behind their desks, each pulling out bags of chips,popcorn, pretzels, and cold beverages. They sprinted up the stairs and pounded on Hotch's door.

"Come in," he responded sternly and in true Hotch like fashion.

The two agents popped their heads in the office and nodded at their leader. He barely looked up from his desk to look at them. His mouth was set in a grim line, his dark eyes brooding and serious. "Just doing some paperwork, what do you need?"

Morgan and Reid exchanged a glance before focusing back on him. "It's after hours Hotch….everyone has left already," Morgan held the snacks up, dangling them in the air as evidence.

"Oh," Hotch quickly looked at his watch to check the time. A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he stood up from his desk and shoved his work aside. He took off his suit jacket and undid his tie, carelessly tossing both articles of clothing across the back of his swivel chair. He undid the first three buttons of his dress shirt and shoved the sleeves up over his elbows. "Let's see…" he muttered quietly to himself, turning around in circles evidently searching for something. Unable to find whatever it was he was looking for he settled on the bottle of scotch in his bottom drawer. "Alright, let's go!"

Morgan and Reid, still frozen at the door, guffawed at their boss' behavior. It was still relatively new to them, seeing this strange and amusing transformation of their boss, and how he easily transitioned between the two extremes. Within seconds Hotch went from steely glares, scowls, a serious demeanor, and uber professionalism to someone who was relaxed with bright eyes and a genuine smile that actually revealed his pearly white teeth.

"UC Hotch, though he has my immense respect, can be a royal pain in my ass," Morgan grinned before continuing. "But afterhours Hotch is a guy I don't mind hanging out with! I mean I never see you this relaxed unless its alcohol induced,"

"Gee thanks," Hotch muttered his voice low and unmistakably dripping with sarcasm as he headed for the door. He stopped midstride to stare at Reid who was standing awkwardly in front of the mirror, trying to tame his hair. "I'm still waiting for your rendition of 'Bye, Bye, Bye'" he said before exiting the room with a smug look.

"Huh?" Reid asked, his voice not hiding his confusion as he followed Hotch out the door.

Morgan followed suit unable to stifle his laughing. "It's a song by a boy band, N'Sync I believe," he managed to get out through his laughter.

"Oh," Reid shrugged, no longer concerned abut not knowing something. " Though I would like to know how and why you've retained this knowledge of pop culture Hotch?"

"Why? You need help with more Twilight references?" Hotch inquired before stopping abruptly outside of Rossi's office.

He turned and nodded at the other two men, and they reciprocated the gesture. Rossi had been avoiding the three men since their last unplanned gathering. He only spoke to them if it was case related or just to talk about mindless drivel, like hockey or basketball games and the like. He knew the other men would have questions about that night so he would escape early on before anyone would have the chance to corner him and interrogate him about his fledgling relationship with Agent Todd. The men planned to ambush the senior agent that night before he could take off again. The plan was to only discuss Rossi but in the back of each of their minds they suspected that they would have to deal with the repercussions of their own admissions from the last off the cuff gathering. The men barged into the office, Reid shutting the door behind them and acting as a barrier, standing directly in front of the door.

"H…hey guys I was just heading out," Rossi stammered, slightly startled by their appearance in his office.

"No you weren't Dave," Hotch replied evenly, as he made himself comfortable in the chair nearest Rossi's desk and poured the dark liquor in the glasses.

Rossi stood at his desk and nodded in Reid's direction. "You know I can take you right beanpole?"

Reid smirked at the elder gentleman before responding. "What I lack in body type you lack in age and agility,"

Morgan shook his head and laughed quietly, settling himself in the chair nearest to Hotch. As usual he was the most direct. "So Rossi, you know what we're here for….when did you start banging Todd?" he asked while shoveling a handful of chips into his mouth. He passed the bag to an impatient Hotch, his eyes never leaving Rossi's.

Rossi sat down in defeat motioning Reid to do the same. "Fine, I haven't been seeing her for too long. I began courting her shortly after she left,"

"Courting?" Hotch asked with raised eyebrow and condescending inflection in his voice.

"They don't use that anymore?"

Hotch shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose in mild annoyance. Morgan sighed and patted Hotch on the shoulder before answering. "No Rossi, they don't use that anymore,"

"Huh," Rossi shrugged. "Well, you remember that case she screwed up on right? She fell apart, got chewed out by this one," he jerked his head in Hotch's direction. "And then she left shortly after. You remember right?" The three men nodded recalling the case. "Well, I comforted her then, I gave her my number in case she needed anything. She called me up a few times, and we went out to dinner a few times…as friends you know? Then one thing led to another…" he left it at that as he took a sip of his drink and grabbed a handful of chips.

"That's some comfort you were offering," Reid muttered under his breath.

"So that same Damsel in Distress game you were running years ago Dave?" Hotch scoffed, bursting out in laughter when Rossi glared at him.

"So you've been seeing her that long?" Morgan asked his mouth full of popcorn this time. "She didn't seem like she was into dating at the time,"

"Why because she turned you down?" Rossi shot back. "She happens to like older men, so you and Reid were out from the beginning,"

"And me," Hotch chirped. The others stared at him and shook their heads. "What?" he popped a few pretzels in his mouth, and shrugged when the other men rolled their eyes and went back to their conversation.

"I don't think knowing that she prefers older men, will do anything to boost Morgan's deflated ego," Reid cringed under the death glare that Morgan shot in his direction. "Hey, not every woman goes for the brawn, Morgan,"

"You should know," Hotch retorted, to the amusement of Rossi and Morgan.

"But really Ross, I just didn't think she would be your type…you did say you preferred blondes," Morgan stated, a hint of irritation creeping up in his voice. He never envisioned losing a romantic possibility to the likes of Rossi.

"I said I had a _thing_ for blondes," Rossi corrected, finishing off the bag of chips. "In actuality I'm an equal opportunist. I enjoy the entirety of the female species," he waved his hands about theatrically in an effort to emphasize his point.

"Which in lamest terms means he'll nail anything in a skirt with a pulse," Hotch added.

Rossi punched him in the arm and silenced the nonstop snickering coming from Reid and Morgan with a glare. "But Jordan is intelligent, kind, and funny. She's quick witted and fun. Oh and physically….she's hot, those eyes, that body, and that ass,"

Reid's eyes bulged out at the last comment, figuring that he learned more info about his colleague than he needed to. Hotch shook his head dismissively, already aware of his friend's attraction to that asset.

"Ahhh, an ass man," Morgan drawled. "My brotha," he reached out and held out his hand. He and Rossi exchanged some friendly hand gesture that was a hybrid of a handshake and high five, the latest greeting amongst friends no doubt.

"Knew we had a lot in common, son," Rossi retorted with fatherly pride.

"What about you Hotch?" Morgan asked, doubting that Hotch would actually answer the question.

"Breast man," Hotch replied matter of factly as if he was uninterested with the conversation.

"Shocking," Morgan replied in surprise, noting that Reid was just as surprised as he was, and that Rossi must have already been aware. "How big we talking here?" he asked again, nearly confident that Hotch wouldn't give a response this time. Hotch squinted one eye and raised his hands up in a crude manner to demonstrate. The action elicited laughter from Morgan and Rossi and a horrified screech from Reid. "So for example," Morgan prompted between laughs.

"Garcia," Hotch responded with no hesitation a small grin spreading across his face, his eyes were slightly unfocused as if he were imagining the image before him. "She has some-"

"Ugh, Hotch! I was thinking along the lines of a celebrity or something, not anyone here! And certainly not my Garci!" Morgan groaned in disgust, once again having to shake images out of his head.

Hotch shrugged and cracked open a pop. "Hey, you asked" he glimpsed over at Morgan and patted him on the back reassuringly. He was slightly ashamed of traumatizing the younger man, but he still found his horrified face to be rather amusing.

"I'd like to know what Dr. Reid likes," Rossi looked over his desk at the youngest agent.

Reid heaved a sigh. "Intellect. I find intellect and wit to be rather attractive, well, very attractive," he answered simply.

"I'm sure we all do Reid, but we're talking physical attributes now," Hotch's voice took on a patronizing tone.

"All right," he drew the word out longer than necessary, already accepting the fact that he would not be able to escape the question. "Eyes. Eyes are like doorways to the mind and soul…at least that's what the philosop-"

"Cop out!" Rossi called out, interrupting Reid. "I would have let you get away with that if I wasn't so certain that you are deliberately avoiding answering the question truthfully,"

"Fine Rossi," he acquiesced, his face twisted up into a scowl. "Legs. I'm a leg man," he shrugged, shrinking back into his seat and crushing his empty pop can.

"Nice kid, Nice. Now_ that _I didn't know about you!" Morgan grinned and reached out to ruffle Reid's hair.

"I will give you that Rossi. Agent Todd had lovely legs and she wasn't afraid to show them off," Reid stared off into the distance in a complete daze.

"Sounds like somebody needs to get laid," Morgan joked. "How long has it been, kid?" Reid scowled at Morgan this time, shoving pretzels in his mouth and ignoring the question.

"My guess is sometime before Lynch showed up," Rossi replied a glint of laughter in his eye.

"That was an unforeseeable deterrent…" Reid mumbled deep in thought, unaware that the others could hear him. "Garci had nice legs too….really nice," he bit his lower lip and sighed in resignation. He was dragged out of his reverie by Morgan grunting disapprovingly, this brought a smirk to his face.

"Oh yeah…now that we've heard about Rossi and Todd we must hear about Reid and Garcia," Hotch leaned forward in his chair in anticipation.

"Oh no we _mustn't_," Morgan's mouth twisted over the word. He didn't know if he wanted to hear the details of friend and his angel's wild expeditions.

"Yeah, I'm with Morgan on this, it isn't important," Reid stammered, his face flushing at being the center of attention.

"Nope, gotta spill it kid," Rossi leaned forward knowing that Reid would break under the pressure.

"We really shouldn't, "Reid protested looking over at a very tense Morgan.

"You're overruled," Hotch replied.

"B…b…but it's even!" Reid argued.

"Fine. I'm your boss and my vote counts twice,"

Reid, knowing that he didn't' stand a chance arguing against Rossi and Hotch, let out an exasperated sigh and began. "We would catch the subway to work sometimes, when her car wasn't working. She'd tease me of course, she thought my social awkwardness was endearing. We'd have lunch a few times if neither of us were too busy. She took me out to a bar once, just to see if I could actually have a good time, but that type of environment isn't my thing. I don't find inebriated lonely people intellectually stimulating, well….except her. She came on to me and we…uh slept together, you know alcohol really alters a person's judgment. She was…pleasantly surprised," Reid smirked, clearly proud of himself by that last statement. "Neither of us expected anything to come from it, but we just hooked up whenever we…whenever we felt like it. I was opposed to casual sex, it felt too exploitive somehow, but she's persuasive and though it wasn't the ideal relationship for me, it worked. I _definitely _learned a few things. Then Lynch came along…" Reid finished off his scotch in contempt before looking at the other men, who stared at him in awe. "What?"

"Who _are_ you?" Morgan asked in wonder. "This is a whole new side to Dr. Reid…." He shook his head in revelation and Reid shrugged in response.

"When did the fling start with Penelope?" Rossi questioned, trying to ascertain the timeline.

Reid hesitated before responding in a low barely audible whisper "About three years ago."

"What?" Hotch sputtered. "How did I not know this?"

Reid shrugged again. "Hell if I know, especially after that time in your office,"

Hotch's eyes bulged out and Rossi's laughter shook the room. Morgan sat in his chair still shell shocked and mildly appalled.

"I wouldn't worry Hotch; you've since obtained a new desk…and chair. If it helps it wasn't exactly planned that time. Garcia is known for being spontaneous…that and defying the laws of physics," he added briefly. He wiggled his eyebrows deliberately, knowing that it would thoroughly irritate, and for that matter infuriate Hotch, and further horrify Morgan.

"Damn," Rossi chortled, reaching out and smacking the young man on the back harder than he meant. "Sorry, did that hurt?"

"No. Child Prodigy. Vegas Public School. Trust me, I've had worst, and if you're anything like Hotch you hit like a nine year old girl," he grinned.

"I'm going to need therapy after this. How am I supposed to face Garcia now?" Morgan wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"The same way you were able to face JJ after your rendezvous, which you never told us about…" Hotch prompted, raising his eyebrow expectantly.

"Or the same way you were able to make out with Prentiss and still face her," Morgan shot back. "Don't think I forgot about you mentioning that!" Hotch coughed, choking on the popcorn that he shoved in his mouth seconds before.

"Right, he did mention something along those lines," Reid chimed in.

"Yeah Aaron, by all means, explain that one to us." Rossi added.

"You know, it's funny. I've noticed that Hotch will push everyone to be forthright with information. Hell, back them into a corner if need be, intimidating them until they feel obliged to share everything. He does that all the while making sardonic retorts and instigating, and for that matter enabling the bickering that goes on between the rest of us, never actually answering half of his own questions or sharing much about himself. He has yet to fully expose himself like the rest of us," Reid observed.

"The kid's right," Morgan agreed. "Minus the exposing part, that sounds a bit hinky. So Hotch it's your turn. We want to know about this kiss with Prentiss and all the other stuff your keeping from us,"

Rossi nodded in agreement and Reid chimed in once more, "Yeah," he caught Morgan's anticipatory expression out of the corner of his eye. "Dude, you're not off the hook yet. We'll get to you and JJ later," Morgan grimaced in response.

Hotch peered down at his phone before meeting their eyes, a sheepish grin plastered across his face. "Sorry boys, I would have told you, but I have to go check on Jack," his voice was unapologetic despite his attempts at making it so. He begin heading out the door before doubling back, snagging a bag of the pretzels, and scurrying out again, his sinister laugh echoing in the halls of the empty BAU office.

"He played the kid card," Rossi muttered.

"I'm starting to get a sense of how manipulative and cunning Hotch can be," Reid pondered out loud, his voice colored with awe and admiration for his boss.

"Definitely a smart move," Morgan joined in. He stood defensively when he felt Reid and Rossi's eyes on him. He realized that he was not off the hook just yet, and that the other two men would have no qualms about prying into his previous relationship with JJ. "Uhhh gotta run!" He took off down the stairs without another word.

Rossi and Reid laughed, amused at how uncomfortable they had made the other two men.

"So….a leg man eh?" Rossi asked as he draped his arm around Reid and locked up his office. "You surprise me everyday son," he added.

Reid chuckled at the older gentleman, bemused at the things that Rossi would find most impressive about him. The two men descended the stairs and made their way out to the parking lot.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I had to tie up a few loose ends. A little racy and suggestive perhaps, but pretty much the same.I hope you guys enjoy it! : )**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CM or its characters but I'd love to own at least half of Garcia's wardrobe.**

The mouthwatering aroma of Thyme and Vidalia Onions lingered in the air as David Rossi placed the finishing touches on the lasagna He spun around a few times, keeping in beat with the intricate harmony of the classical piece he had playing in the background. He carefully extricated the baking pan and inhaled the cheesy garlic bread, noting that Mama Rossi would have been proud. She made it her own personal mission to teach him every single recipe their family brought over from the old country, especially after she discovered his first wife, though beautiful, lacked skills in the kitchen. He sighed at the thought of his mom, there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't miss her dearly.

The sudden chime of the doorbell startled him. He scurried across the black marble floor, glancing at the Grandfather clock as he made his way down the narrow hallway leading to the foyer. He wasn't expecting his guest for at least a couple of more hours and his rather secluded location prevented unexpected visitors from stopping by. He reached for his gun at his side, but silently swore when he realized he didn't have it on him.

"C'mon, open up!" a familiar voice drifted through the Oak door.

Rossi gritted his teeth upon recognizing the voice and he swung the door open to face his colleague. "Reid, what the _hell_ are you doing here?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

Reid stood awkwardly in the doorway, a mischievous grin slowly spreading across his boyish face. "Actually I-"

"Watch out kid! This pizza is hot!" Morgan barked out as he bounced an oversized pizza box from one hand to another and barreled through.

"Yeah, we already missed kickoff," Hotch muttered as he followed Morgan. "Dave." He nodded in acknowledgement at his old friend and continued down the hall. Rossi remained in the doorway frozen in place, his arm still outstretched and the door still wide open.

"Spencer…" he ground out in a warning as he glowered at the young agent. The young doctor gulped nervously before responding. "But this is our chance Rossi!" The voices of their friends floated through the house, as if on cue.

"Where should I put the pizza?" Morgan inquired.

"Coffee table should be good," Hotch replied, his voice taking on a bored tone.

"And you say he has a big screen, eh?"

"Big screen is an understatement. And the real kicker is, he doesn't even know how to work the remote," Hotch snickered.

Rossi turned to face Reid who still stood in the doorstep quietly chuckling to himself. "Oh sure, laugh it up kid!" He barked out as he tugged Reid's arm and pulled him inside. "Get in here!" he growled before slamming the door shut firmly, and making his way down the hall to find his other coworkers.

"Wow, such a beautiful home, Rossi." Reid observed as he followed the man down the hall and peeked into random rooms on the way. "Is that an actual library?" he questioned as he noticed a room with bookcases on every wall leading up from the floor to the ceiling. "Mmmm, what is that tantalizing smell?" he sniffed out as he continued to follow Rossi, his hands shoved awkwardly in his khakis and he shook out his unruly hair.

Rossi grumbled in response to Reid's plethora of questions and came to a halt at the doorway to his living room. He balled his hands up into tight fists as he took in the less than stellar view before him. Hotch was sprawled across Rossi's black leather sofa, he had kicked his shoes off and they were lying beneath the couch. He had the piping hot Pepperoni and Sausage pizza lying on Rossi's glass and marble coffee table. Not far from the box were Hotch's feet, propped up on the edge as if they somehow belonged there.

Morgan was a vision all his own. He had made himself completely comfortable in the Onyx colored Italian leather armchair sitting across from Hotch. _His_ armchair. The armchair that no one else was permitted to sit in. Morgan had his head leaned back in the chair and he dangled a slice of pizza up in the air, over his mouth in one hand, clutching the remote in his other hand.

Rossi watched as a tomato-ey glob came dangerously close to sliding off of Morgan's pizza and missing his mouth. "If that spills on my chair, I swear to-"

"Relax Rossi," Morgan chuckled. "I'm just messing with ya!" He balanced the slice of pizza in his large palm and chewed on it in a reasonable manner, occasionally swiping at his mouth with a napkin.

"Great. Now LEAVE!" Rossi exclaimed.

"Wow, somebody's touchy" Reid muttered under his breath as he observed the bottle of Merlot perched on a stand near the ongoing fireplace. "Ohh, mind if I crack this open?"

"No!" Rossi growled through his clenched teeth. "Alright," Reid turned to face the older agent. "Really touchy," he smirked.

"Or just hungry," Hotch piped in, his mouth full with his bite of pizza. "He's always cranky when he's hungry. It must be an Italian thing," he snorted.

"Nah nah," Morgan started in, taking on his profiling tone. "My man here is cranky, but it isn't because he's hungry…at least for food," a devilish grin spread across his face as he hopped out his seat and circled around the older man like a predator eyeing it's prey.

"C'mon guys, think!" His eyes met Hotch's and Reid's briefly, before he brought his own back to Rossi. "The not so subtle aroma of Thyme and Oregano…I'm thinking spaghetti perhaps, or maybe lasagna. The apple wood coming from the fireplace here," he waved his hand in the general direction of the fireplace for emphasis. "Then of course there is the classical music playing in the background, the Merlot, the…" he paused and sniffed at Rossi before continuing to circle around him. "The cologne that he's wearing, and Rossi doesn't typically wear cologne. Add on to it this…" Morgan tugged on the apron around Rossi's neck that read 'Kiss the Cook'..." Morgan came to a halt in front of the man and puckered his lips, making kissing noises, before collapsing into the armchair in laughter. Hotch joined in with his own quiet chuckling.

"I don't understand," Reid exclaimed, his brow knitting together in bewilderment. Hotch rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Morgan put his hand up in reassurance and shot him the 'Allow me" look.

"Well kid, Rossi here was preparing for an evening with a woman, when we interrupted with our not so impromptu boys evening," He raised a brow knowingly in Reid's direction. "The game was canceled tonight. They wanted to cover that actress or whatever that chick is, when she exited rehab for the twelfth time. They announced the cancellation hours ago…." He narrowed his eyes at Reid, who in turn gulped and fidgeted before breaking out into a sly smile.

"I w-was not preparing for an evening with my woman," Rossi stammered as he snatched the apron off after feeling Hotch and Reid's disapproving looks upon him. "You guys really have to leave though, my…." He scanned the room before his eyes settled on his manuscript. "My publicist is in fact coming by momentarily and we have some business…some professional business…" he emphasized in response to Reid's quirked eyebrow. "That we have to handle." He finished, crossing his arms across his chest defensively.

"Professional my ass, more like an evening of debauchery…" Reid muttered under his breath as he plopped down next to Hotch.

Hotch sputtered and choked on the Pepsi that he had just taken a gulp of, spewing the dark liquid everywhere as his usual rare but quiet chuckle became a hearty laugh. "Okay, I for one, did _not _expect that from Reid…" he said between laughs. Reid shrugged.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Rossi yelped. "Not on the carpet Aaron, I just had it steam cleaned,"

"Now wait a minute…"Morgan started, shoveling down another slice of pizza. "The kid has a point. I mean cooking Rossi? Classical music? I didn't even think you were the classical music type!"

"I like all types of music," Rossi mumbled defensively.

"Switching it up from Barry I see…" Hotch muttered with a hint of sarcasm.

"What was that?" Morgan inquired, ignoring Rossi's pained expression.

"Dave used to play Barry White for his women on date night. But I suppose, with this being a 'business dinner' and not a 'date night', he wouldn't have Barry playing"

As if beckoned, the final classical piece came to an end, and the deep baritone voice flooded the room from Rossi's expensive sound system. Rossi hurried to the stereo and fumbled with the buttons and knobs, until finally he opted for unplugging the thing all together. He whipped around to face his snickering colleagues, after taking a brief moment to restore his usual confident air.

"The Best of Barry White," Reid mused from his seat on the couch, as he twirled the CD case between his slender fingers.

Accepting that he was busted he explained. "Jordan rather enjoyed it the last time…" he cleared his throat. "She preferred the classical music and we compromised on the Barry White. She wasn't a big fan of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin,"

"The great Dave Rossi sacrificing his Standards for a woman? I'm shocked!" Morgan pretended to scoff as he hiked his feet up on the coffee table across from Hotch's.

Rossi cleared his throat and inclined his head to the right as he stood before Morgan. A satisfied smile pulling at his lips as Morgan removed his feet to allow the elder gentleman by. He sat down on the loveseat with a grunt, scowling when Morgan's feet reclaimed their spot on the table.

"I have a feeling I'm not the only one to allow a woman to intimidate me…" Rossi said with a sparkle of mischief in his eye as he turned to face Morgan. "Am I Derek? I mean, you did rule out a whole 'type' of woman after one bad night with a colleague."

"Don't fall for it," Hotch whispered in a sing-song voice, his voice only audible to Reid.

"Hey!" Morgan's voice rose defensively. "You've seen that woman's crack shot! She pulled a gun out on me when we…" His voice trailed off as the epiphany hit and he realized that he fell into a trap. "Dammit!"

"He fell for it," Reid countered Hotch's prior statement, shaking his head and grinning at the bemused Hotch.

"Fess up, Morgan!" Hotch ordered, raising his brow expectantly.

"JJ pulled a gun out on you?" Reid inquired gently, knowing that his method would better soothe Morgan and therefore elicit a response. Morgan stared at the young agent; he rubbed his bald head in contemplation and bit his lip hesitantly.

The piercing looks of his colleagues finally got the better of him and he cautiously began his tale, his voice low and defeated. "We went out on a date. It wasn't my idea, my instincts told me not to but…JJ, you know?" His chocolate eyes exchanged a glance with each man as they nodded their heads in understanding. "She wanted to take me back to her place. We…" he paused and fidgeted with his hands. "You know she sleeps with her gun?" he caught the surprised looks of his friends. "I mean right there on the nightstand, and at one point I told her it made me a bit uncomfortable. I mean she grabbed it a few times when she got a bit…excited," the last word came out in a near inaudible whisper and he avoided eye contact. "When she realized it made me a bit edgy she said some crap about playing 'cowboy', said it turned her on, and she begin waving the damn thing around and pointing it at me. Later on she kicked me out of her apartment claiming that I said somebody else's name….Hell, after staring down the barrel of a gun while trying to…well,let's just say I didn't mind leaving!" He blinked a few times before peering up at his colleagues hesitantly.

Reid bit his lip, small noises of laughter being muffled by the action. "Wow, that was….unfortunate," he managed before bursting out in uncontrollable laughter. The other two men followed suit.

"Wait…"Rossi gasped holding his stomach. "You and JJ played some game of Cowboy? Like Cowboys and Indians or something?" he asked, holding his sides. "She brought out a gun and everything!"

"I believe JJ played cowboy, Morgan here, was playing the bull," Hotch murmured, trying to quell his laughing but failing miserably.

"She was just trying to enjoy the ride," Rossi exclaimed as he pretended to brandish a gun.

"Huh, you remember that mechanical bull contest she won a while back?" Hotch managed to get out before being overcome by his laughter.

"Wait a minute you guys," Reid started in. "There is one thing I want to know…" he mused as the laughter died down. "What name did you call her?"

Once again surrendering to the others' intense gaze, Morgan replied, his cheeks burning a light crimson. "Baby Girl," he murmured so low that the others could barely hear.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Hotch asked, a mischievous glint in his dark brooding eyes.

"I said…Baby Girl," Morgan replied, louder this time. "She called me "hot stuff' and I instinctively called her Baby Girl," he sunk back into his seat, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

"Damn kid, that's just…" Rossi started.

"Wrong on so many levels," Hotch finished.

"Talk about kinky," Rossi observed with a lopsided grin.

"It was, "Morgan acquiesced. "Strangely enough, it was kinda hot, when I wasn't scared crapless, damn gun."

"A cowgirl fetish," Reid thought out loud.

"What are you going on about over there boy wonder?" Hotch asked, affectionately calling the young agent one of the many nicknames he collected over the years.

"Actually, I was hypothesizing that perhaps there is some sort of strange yet thrilling Cowgirl fetish among a couple of women at the BAU. Morgan's inopportune tale of his sexual encounter with JJ, reminded me of how our very own Penelope Garcia has her own odd fetish of a similar caliber,"

"What are you getting at egghead?" Morgan had a feeling he would regret asking, knowing it had something to do with his favorite tech kitten, but his curiosity as always, got the best of him.

"Garcia likes to play Cowgirl too. She just uses fuzzy handcuffs….and sometimes rope," he added as an after thought. A bright smile lit up his face as he knowingly taunted Morgan.

"Awww, c'mon kid!" Morgan threw his hands up in the air and tried his best to shake the images out of his head.

"That never gets-" Reid was interrupted by his phone vibrating. He pulled it out, typed away at its keyboard, and returned it to his pants pocket in a matter of seconds.

"Good vibrations," Rossi snickered.

"Funny Rossi," Reid replied sarcastically. "But not necessary, thank you very much,"

"Why not?" Rossi asked as he downed another can of soda.

"Probably has something to do with that extra shower time he had after wrapping up that case last night," Hotch responded in his usual deadpan voice, rolling his eyes over the fact that he pulled the short stick and got stuck rooming with Reid. "He got to 'handle'..." he said while wiggling his fingers for extra emphasis. "…some business." He finished with a straight face. Rossi and Morgan patted him on the back and stifled their laughter.

"I never realized you were so crude, Hotch" Reid grimaced.

"Actually Hotch, I think the kid has had his hands full with the real deal," Morgan teased knowingly, a sly smile spreading across his face as he watched the wheels turn in Reid's head. The younger agent was pondering on what Morgan was referring to and how much he was actually aware of. "Reid here has a lady friend in town,"

"What? Did you talk to Garcia? How did you know Austin was here?" the annoyance in Reid's voice began to elevate with each question.

"Austin?" Morgan responded with a quizzical look. "I was talking about Lila! She has a movie filming in D.C. I didn't know anything about an Austin….she was-"

"The bartender from that case awhile back. She was the one that was infatuated with Spencer's magic tricks," Rossi continued for Morgan.

"Yeah well, apparently she's more infatuated with his magic stick," Hotch muttered under his breath. His low utterance did not go unheard and the three men snickered as Reid's face flushed a bright crimson.

"So you're seeing both of them kid?" Rossi questioned, his brow raised and a grin pulling at his lips in some twisted amusement.

"Well…I…see…well, neither woman nor myself are mutually exclusive-" he sputtered out, his voice taking a defensive tone.

"We're not judging kid," Morgan scoffed, his dark eyes sparkling with amusement.

"I…" Reid was interrupted once more by his phone vibrating. He pulled it from his pocket and his fingers ghosted across the keyboard once again. He quickly snapped his phone shut and prepared to lever himself up from the chair. "I have to go,"

"One of the ladies in question, I take it?" Hotch asked with raised brow as he stretched on the couch, his foot nearly knocking over the half empty can of soda that sat dangerously close to his feet.

"No, actually that was Emily. I'm supposed to be heading over to her place…" his voice trailed off when he heard the crunching of metal. He couldn't hide his surprise nor his suspicions when he seen that his boss had crushed the can in his hand.

"I didn't realize you were so close to Emily," Hotch quietly stated, the observation sounding the slightest bit like a question.

Realization washed over the younger agent and a mischievous smirk pulled at his lips. "Yeah, we've become pretty close. She calls me when J.J and Garcia aren't available. I've become a confidant of sorts…" he paused and winked at Rossi and Morgan before continuing. "She finally told me about you two," he finished with an unshaken confidence that convinced them all.

"She did…" Hotch whispered while putting down the crushed can. "I hoped that she would keep that between us," he said solemnly, a flicker of pain flashing across his usual stoic face. The vibrant room came to a still as the others looked on in a brief silence.

"I'm s-sorry Hotch. I..." Reid shook his head as his struggled to find the appropriate words.

"You're too easy for your own good." Hotch responded as he broke out into a grin. "For one, Emily would have never divulged anything to you. Secondly, I don't care either way," he shrugged. "You want to know what happen with Prentiss and me." The other three men nodded sheepishly.

"She came to my office one night and let me have it. She was really going off about something. I don't remember what exactly," he waved his hand dismissively. "We went back and forth debating, and I don't know….she just grabbed me and kissed me. She threw herself at me, right there in my office, than she pulled away, apologized a few times, and ran off. She still won't let me talk about it, but every so often she just…sort of pounces on me," He slouched back into his seat as the others stared at him incredulously.

"So she just….randomly comes in and kisses you?" Morgan asked dubiously.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"And you just…let her?" Rossi's brow shot up to his hairline in curiosity.

"I have a certain charm that ladies can't resist," Hotch smirked. "So yeah, I just let her."

"You kissed her back," Reid wondered out loud.

Hotch snorted "Hell yeah. Have you seen Emily?"

"If that's what comes out of arguing with you, than I sure as hell won't step foot in your office and debate with you again!" Morgan huffed.

"Aaron Hotchner having random make-up sessions in his office," Rossi chuckled.

"Make-_out_ sessions," Hotch corrected.

"Same difference," Rossi responded while patting his old friend on the back. "You sly dog you,"

Morgan and Reid stared off into space with identical looks of shock plastered on their faces. "Once again feeling as if I'm traumatized for life," Morgan groaned. Reid nodded in concurrence, both oblivious to the older agents throaty chortling flooding the room.

The chime of the doorbell startled them all. "Dammit!" Rossi yelped. "You guys have to go…NOW!" He frantically rushed around the room, shoving all evidence of their evening together in random corners of the large space. The others watched in amusement up until he began ushering them to the door.

Rossi quickly opened the door and stopped in his tracks. There stood Jordan Todd in a slinky crimson dress that fit her form perfectly. It inched up her body with every shift as she impatiently rocked on the stoop in her kitten heels. She brought her hand to her throat in surprise, drawing attention to her plunging neckline, which rendered the four men momentarily speechless.

A bright smile accentuated her ruby red lips. "Good evening Dr. Reid... Agent Morgan...Sir" she nodded in acknowledgment of the three men as she stepped inside.

"Agent Todd," they responded in a collective murmur,once they recovered.

She wrapped her arm around Rossi's waist and brought him into an embrace without letting him go.

"Yeah…" he shifted back and forth on his feet awkwardly. "We should be going. Uhh, happy copulating," he added as Rossi narrowed his eyes, while looking over Jordan's shoulder, still wrapped tight in her hold.

Morgan swayed his hips in an obscene manner and pointed at Jordan, since her back was still to him. He gave Rossi a thumb's up and grinned. "Night Loverboy,"

Rossi used his free hand and signaled for Hotch to rush the young agent out, the frustration evident on his face. Hotch stifled a laugh and nodded in agreement, but not before raising his hand and swinging his arm down simulating a spanking gesture. "Night Dave,"

His actions initiated a few giggles from the other two agents waiting outside for him, and prompted a feral growl from Rossi. Rossi grabbed the nearest knick knack lying on the end table in the foyer and chucked it at the door, inches away from Hotch's head. The usual brooding agent's frame shook with his laughter as he ducked.

"What's wrong?" Jordan asked as she pulled away from his embrace. She didn't give him a chance to answer before she brought her lips to his, with no argument from him. The click of the door behind them was a small relief but he made a mental note to kill his friends the next day.

_**Fin**_

**_A/N 2: Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I'm happy that you enjoyed it and at least got a laugh or two. : )_**


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